I remember back in 2012, I always like when I get too intoxicated I’d be in bed in 6am and go straight to a 12-hr coma. I’d always lay my back and I’ll be soundly sleeping in a second. I always like it too when I get so buzzed but I still have a few minutes to spare with me before falling into nothingness. “I love these people.” I’d say as I picture my friends’ faces a few hours ago before bedtime. I’m thinking about the times that I can’t change, never wanted to change and the ones that changed.
I’ve always wanted to step out and see how happy I was during these moments because I believed those are the best times of my life. I’ve always wanted to see what my happy face looks like when I’m half-drunk and falling asleep. It’s been years since 2012 and I still have a special part inside me for those days that I felt like flying and I just can’t stop thinking how big the world is. I’ve always been thinking about the ones I shared that bucket and that table but I never thought of the ones that sat next to us. Were they as happy as I was? Did they just find out they were failing a class? Was it the first time they cheated on their partner? How about that pair from “La Serlle” who are too poor to afford their own yosi? Did they come home and fell asleep thinking how thankful they were for that night (and for yosi)? Did they even remember the night that they sit next to us? How about the ones that reached the top of a mountain after a long climb exactly that moment we stepped out from a bar and about to ride a cab home? Did we experience euphoria at the same time? Are they even still alive?
Here I am in 2016, sitting in a chair that I never thought I’ll be using because this shouldn’t have been my room. I am thinking about the moments I called the best times of my life and how I am so certain tonight that the best ones are still bound to happen. I thought about the friends that I’ve loved so much wondering what they’re doing now and how I never thought I could never run out of love for them. I’m also thinking about how I did.
The bullets were fired. I’ve almost used the last one to end my head. 2016 is about to end and I still feel nostalgic about the future and what comes with it. I am sad but I am happier that I’m in a table I never knew I sat across in 2012.