I should be writing about that 1-week trip with my friends but I just feel so down lately that I can’t get myself to do anything that requires genuine happiness.
I was happy. It’s one of the best weeks of my life. My friends are geniuses. I love them. But the drastic changes in my life gets me sometimes. It’s just really hard when you get tired of hating things and you’re left with the things that aren’t hatable, usually they’re the sad ones.
It’s like millions of knives are stabbing me to sleep and when I wake up they’re being pulled out only so they can dig deeper. I received text messages in my dreams. I know I’m dreaming because there’s no way it’s happening but I prolonged my dream anyway just so I can read the entire text. I stare blankly on walls for hours. I sleep early at night because even books and movies can’t distract myself from my head. I drink shit so I can shut down instantly. It feels like I’m in a dark empty room.
I am myself again lately. I’m scared. It’s unbearable.